I can't wait for the time to come when I wont feel depressed on mother's day. For years now, I have had nothing to look forward to on mother's day except the awkwardness of being forced to take a flower because "you are a mother, but just in a different way." This year, it was extra hard for me because it was also my birthday...what a bummer...a birthday and mother's day all at once. Oh, not to mention that Joel was also very very sick, giving me the chance to clean up the throw-up and give him my undivided attention. I love to serve Joel, but when it is on the birthday, it is kind of sad. It was honestly one of the worst days I have had in a long time, but such is life sometimes! I have been through worse in different degrees...
Well, I have been reflecting lately on the possibility of being able to be a mother soon. I know that it can take a long time to get a placement once the adoption papers are in, but I have so much excitement and desire to get the show on the road! I have dreams, almost nightly, of a baby coming to us soon...I wake up excited to be one day closer to the home study because once that is over, we are in!!! I picture the day that we get selected by a birth mother and are there at the hospital gazing into our babies eyes. It is honestly so nice to have such joy among all the pain and afflictions I deal with on a daily basis.
I have a lot of friends preparing to have their babies this summer...most of whom are on their second, third or fourth child...although I have some sadness from this, the thing that makes me most excited is that one of my dearest friends has invited me into the delivery room to experience the joy that comes from having a baby. I don't know if this friend knows how much it means to me, but I honestly start to tear up a little when I think of the opportunity I am going to have.
I love being blessed with such great friends who, despite different lifestyles and number of children, have compassion and love towards me and Joel. It makes this trial a little less painful to endure on a day to day basis. Thank you, I love you so much!
Well, I have been reflecting lately on the possibility of being able to be a mother soon. I know that it can take a long time to get a placement once the adoption papers are in, but I have so much excitement and desire to get the show on the road! I have dreams, almost nightly, of a baby coming to us soon...I wake up excited to be one day closer to the home study because once that is over, we are in!!! I picture the day that we get selected by a birth mother and are there at the hospital gazing into our babies eyes. It is honestly so nice to have such joy among all the pain and afflictions I deal with on a daily basis.
I have a lot of friends preparing to have their babies this summer...most of whom are on their second, third or fourth child...although I have some sadness from this, the thing that makes me most excited is that one of my dearest friends has invited me into the delivery room to experience the joy that comes from having a baby. I don't know if this friend knows how much it means to me, but I honestly start to tear up a little when I think of the opportunity I am going to have.
I love being blessed with such great friends who, despite different lifestyles and number of children, have compassion and love towards me and Joel. It makes this trial a little less painful to endure on a day to day basis. Thank you, I love you so much!
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5 comments:
I love you Lila! and I am excited to share this with someone else I love ;)
I am so sorry that you had such an awful day and on your birthday even! Just think maybe next year your life will be so different. Let's hope so, right? I have faith that one day those of us who understand such pain associated with "M-Day" will one day embrace it and celebrate it and to us maybe it will mean something a little different because of the journey we had getting there. You are in my prayers.
I went over to my sister-in-laws recently and she is due in September. She acted very much like she wanted to hear about my husband and I doing Foster Care. She tried very hard to minimize comments she knew might cause me pain. Anything about her pregnancy that is.
It was my mother-in-law who did not seem so understanding, though she is a good woman sometimes she is not very tactful. She also enjoys giving us all kinds of unsolicited advice.
Anyway, I'm sorry your birthday was so rotten. Mother's Day already gets me moody, it would be tough to have to deal with that too.
By the way, my dad lives in Oregon. I honestly don't know where though. He did give me his address when he moved a couple months ago I just haven't sent anything to him. It is very pretty there, but rainy.
Well, I hope things are going well for you and I hope your husband is feeling better. Mine has a toothache and his cheek is swollen. We have to wait until Monday to do anything about it.
A.C.
Well- I'm sorry your actual birthday day was so hard. But, on the positive side it was actually training for being a mother. On a day that you think should be your absolute best, you end up sad, down, feeling alone, and cleaning up someone else's puke/poo or other. Good luck with everything. You guys are awesome.
karee
Dear Lila,
My name is Hillary and I came across your blog through Lindsey Redfern's. Although I don't know you, I can't help but feel like I understand you. My husband was in the army for 6 years before we were married, and endured terrible experiences during his service. Like you, we have been married nearly 4 years. I too have wondered whether I will ever be able to enjoy Mother's Day, and wonder if it will stop being painful. It's so hard to have friends and family members who are virtually baby machines (and even complain about this fact), when you ache on a daily basis for such a blessing. It is just so hard and so painful. I admire your positive attitude and your hopefulness. I pray that your approval process will go quickly and that you'll soon be chosen. Best of luck.
Love,
Hillary McCormack
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